One day, I realized this thing was bigger than I thought.....

"Brazilian model Ana Carolina Reston (also known as Carolina Reston), 21, died of anorexia nervosa, Brazilian media reported on Wednesday. Reston, 1.72 meters tall and weighting only 40 kilogrammes, was in hospital since October 25 due to a kidney malfunction. Her condition became more serious and deteriorated into a generalized infection that led to the young woman's death on Tuesday."

"There are an estimated 60,000 people in Britain with eating disorders. Nine out of ten are female."

"Excessively-thin models have been barred from a major Madrid fashion show later this month for fear they could send the wrong message to young Spanish girls, local media."

"Both in the USA and in Europe, some models have gone much too far to meet the tough demands and have resorted to illegal diet products, emetics, diuretic pills and amphetamines to achieve the ‘ideal' look of a pubescent boy. Their eating habits - or the lack of them - make them look like lollipops."

"Milan isn't alone in their support to ban skinny models. Spain and Brazil are also supporters of banning skinny models due to the deaths of 3 anorexic models this year. Milan followed suit, with a similar ordinance passed by government officials last month to restrict runway models to BMIs of 18.5 or more. (For reference, a 5-foot-9 woman with a BMI of 18.5 would weigh 125 pounds). Italian designers have also agreed to demand that all models submit medical proof that they don't suffer from an eating disorder as a condition to work."

"Israeli officials say that 10 per cent of girls between 14 and 17 have eating disorders. Many teenage girls idolise models and believe they must diet obsessively to have any hope of a career on the catwalk."(The times.

Carre Otis, a 5'9" beauty, who at 18 graced the pages of magazines such as Elle and Sports Illustrated, and appeared in countless Calvin Klein ads.
Looking back on her career, Otis, now 34, says that the glamour of the fashion industry really offered her an escape from a pretty rough childhood. As she entered supermodel stardom, things only got worse as she adopted a dangerous lifestyle." (For youth by youth)
"As a top fashion model, Carre Otis made her living on looking thin and beautiful. But now she is sharing the ugly truth about the weight-loss strategies she subjected herself to and the dire health consequences that resulted."
And on and on the reports on Anorexia/bulimia go, all over the world, with the model being the main victim. Too big a problem to be ignored!

The two major eating disorders within the modeling industry are: - anorexia nervosa, in which people purposefully under eat and bulimia, in which people binge on food and then purge.

Anorexia Nervosa has an impact on both physical and mental health and can be fatal if left untreated. People develop anorexia as a way of dealing with the conflicts, pressures, and stresses of their lives. These eating disorders are not only common within the Modeling industry, but are now prevalent among the actors, actresses, teenagers etc today.

How then is it that we have people in some countries dying of hunger, reason being that they do not have enough food to eat? Meanwhile, on the flip side, models and other ‘ anorexics' are dying of hunger, reason being that the designer/agent told them to lose 15 more pounds until she died! Even though the amount of food they have in abundance keeps yelling out "eat me now!"

"But you don't understand?" they say.

Yes, I do understand quiet well.
About 7 years ago, everyone I associated with alleged that they had never seen me so skinny. I was living back and forth DC and NYC at the time, sometimes I would be in DC for a week, and then back to NYC for a week or two, and on and on. I cannot explain how the food that I could not do without all over sudden became extremely sickening to me. I would leave the house in the morning and come back at the end of the day without eating a thing and would continue for days until I felt weak and dizzy, just about to fall. The more hours I went without food, the more I starved myself and the more I continued to challenge myself. It was more like to see how long I could go without the food and still survive. I continued for weeks and suddenly, I lost interest in hanging around my people. I never wanted to be around anyone especially during meal times, because they would leave me with no choice, but to eat. A few of the times during which I had this eating disorder, I always felt sick when anything went into my stomach and food made me look forward to another fortnight of starvation willingly; more like to get rid of that food that fell into my stomach mistakenly. My productivity went to zero. I was always tired or dizzy, and the all the industry people who had advised me to lose a bit more weight were not interested in me anymore. Not at all! My grades went down tremendously and I was tired of everything around me except my bony frame! But this time around, even my bony frame became frustrating enough as it still did not get me any ‘gigs.' So what good was it? I suffered through this problem alone as everyone else was too busy trying to make their ends meet.

After a couple of weeks, I woke up one morning crying in pain. I finally acknowledged that I had a problem and I needed help.
I was killing myself without a reason!
What good was it?
What value did it add to my life then?
What was I doing?
I was sick!
I can't believe that this beast finally caught up with me even when I thought I was stronger than that.

I tried many times to call a close friend or sister, but every time I got on the phone, I could not bring it up. It was so embarrassing; I would always change the topic. So started to visit the grocery store very often, purchased enough grocery, and went back home and cooked. I did this continuously over a period of time and made sure that I ate something every two hours. I did not recover from my eating disorder overnight, but it took some time. However, every time I felt that the condition was trying to creep back in, I constantly reminded myself that it was wrong for my body, mind and soul, and refused to give room for another chance of disaster. I took a lot of time recovering, did a lot of research, but still continued to pursue my lifetime goals. I give glory to God who enabled me to write this book, as it's the only platform that has allowed me to openly admit and acknowledge that I suffered from an eating disorder, and I came out of it sober and alive and still healthy.

Since then, whenever I stay for over three hours without eating anything, I get very agitated as it brings about flashbacks. So I eat very often to keep me focused, so that my attention is not diverted into intentional starvation, which brings could possibly perk up my problem. While some of my friends actually think I eat a lot, and even the men I meet, get a kick out of it, I eat to keep my mind away from that trouble. However, I still intend to go back for counseling one day when I do.
This is definitely one of the pressures from the industry that I have dealt with, but eventually for the sake of my life, I have been forced to exercise my freedom of choice and make a choice before it's too late and I urge all you models who are going through any spell of eating disorders to do the same and make a decision; one that is good for us and not necessarily good to us. I am a model too and the industry has always claimed that I am overweight and need to lose 15 pounds since the beginning. That is the standard feedback I have got from some designers for years, despite the number of bones sticking out of my slender frame. However, for my own good, I made a solid decision to let it go in through one ear and out through the other, as it is my life and your life at stake.

Models, if they don't like you anymore, they will definitely stop calling for you. So in the meantime, please stop starving yourself to death and don't be afraid to be yourself. You already have the choice to eat because you are blessed with the availability of food, but you have chosen not to eat the food? Are you waiting on your heart to stop beating? Then you die? Then get buried? Then what? All over sudden, everyone has become very weight conscious to a point where, nourishment of the body is ‘taboo!'

About 4 years ago, Kris, one of the models I had met in NYC a few years back called me up. It was quite a surprise for me since I had not talked to her for a while, since my move to LA. I must admit that Kris was one of the models I admired. She seemed like the type of girl that was naturally born to be a model. The way she walked, the way she stood, the way she naturally attracted cameras. She was ½ an inch to make it to 6ft tall, had a beautiful tan since she was half-Russian, half Mexican, but American by birth. She spoke Russian, Spanish, Italian and English and some French. Every language she spoke sounded perfect according everyone. She was quite fashionable, but more on the simple, casual edge. Most of the time, one would spot her in fitting jeans, off-the shoulder shirts, 4"stilettos with a scarf or hat on her head to cover her beautiful big hair. She had a bunch of beautiful, curly brown hair, but she always complained that it was a nuisance and opted to tie it up and cover it. Personally, I thought her hair was beautiful and that she should have let it out most of the time. She even confessed to me that when she cut it a few times, she actually sold it to a human hair supplier in Harlem for a good amount! Quite honestly, she pulled everything off well as her tall, slender frame complemented everything she wore.

When she started talking to me on the phone that evening, I was not able to recognize her voice as it had been a while since I spoke to her, and finally I cut through the conversation to confirm who I was speaking to. She immediately revealed herself and picked up the conversation right where she had left it. She began explaining to me that she had lost touch with me but she felt a need to find me and talk to me urgently. She mentioned that she had tried to get my new contact from a couple of common acquaintances, but to no avail. However, her last resort was to call my ex-boyfriend to see if he could get her in touch with me, and that is how she got my number and called me. It was quite strange how she explained every detail to me. As I listened to her voice, I felt a cry for help inside her. Her voice was quite shaky, and she did not giggle through her conversation, which I thought was quite bizarre.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I cut through the conversation.

"Yes!"..........."No!" She responded with a fake chuckle.

"What is going on, where are you?" I insisted

"I am at Renfrew!" "I never thought it would finally catch up with me."

"What is Renfrew?" "What caught up with you?" "What are you talking about?" I asked panicking

Suddenly, she hung up the phone.
This was crazy as I had just got back from a very long day of work, and I was not feeling too well that evening. I immediately scrolled through my incoming calls to redial the number she had called from, but it was a private number.
"So now what?" I thought to myself.

I called my ex-boyfriend immediately for more information urgently, but was sent straight to voicemail. So I quickly dropped my bags down and rushed to my laptop to ‘Google'. I was not sure of the spelling of ‘Renfrew' but I tried several spellings. Despite all my effort, I was still not able to come up with anything that made sense. Finally, I had to think about what Kris did for a living, which was nothing else but modeling and when I finally linked the Renfrew and models, I came up with a couple of options.
There we were dealing with another full-blown case of anorexia or drugs.

It's unbelievable that I got so caught up on their website, as I went through every single bit of information very keenly. It was so real! However, I could not believe that ‘Kris' was a victim too. She just seemed too perfect to get caught up in this issue that I believe has killed many of our models silently.
I finally dialed a toll-free number to get more information on Kris's whereabouts, but the center refused to disclose that information to me. It is just strange that every other model who claimed to know Kristina quite well, did not know where she had been for a while. Some of the models even swore that she had gone back to Russia, her home country. Anyway a few months later, When I incorporated a my modeling agency, I sent out a generic email to all the models I knew, informing them about my modeling agency with hope of signing them up, and I got responses back. However, there was one email in my inbox that shocked me. It came from Kris, but not really from Kris.

"Dear Liz,
You must not be aware, but I am sorry to inform you that Kris passed away two months ago from a shot term illness and has gone to be with the Lord. May God rest her soul in peace.
Phil."

Another model was gone, never to be seen or heard from again. It was sad! I sat down and grieved as I wondered where all the other models could end up or were at the time. It made me also realize that all that glittered was never gold. If I was able to go through anorexia and still be here today, all I can say is Thank God! For if anorexia's recovery was solely dependent on me, it should've been the same for all the other people who have suffered it and died. And if they were to make a conscious decision on whether to die from anorexia, or to survive it, then they would all opt for survival.....then we would all be alive.

"Or don't you know that you body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?" 1 Corintians 6:19-20

This verse in an affirmation that in life and in death, we belong to the Lord. We are stewards of all he gives us, and we need to be good stewards of our bodies as well. It is therefore through self-control that we deny both gluttony and starvation, and it is with transformed minds that we see past the superficiality of our culture's demands and reject the eating disorders that would otherwise destroy each of us.

So, what is Anorexia Nervosa?
Kris my late friend spent a lot of time recovering at the Renfrew Center in Philadelphia and it is from that center where I learnt a whole lot more about eating disorders even though I made a conscious decision never visit thee place for personal reasons.
The Renfrew Centre, which is the first residential eating disorder treatment facility in the US, describes anorexia as self-imposed starvation. They empower individuals to actively participate in their own growth and recovery. Specializing solely in the treatment of anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder, their innovative programs emphasize the value and healing potential of healthy relationships.
Anorexia is a serious, life-threatening disorder which usually stems from underlying emotion causes. Although people with anorexia are obsessed with food, they continually deny their hunger. Women with anorexia often also limit or restrict other parts of their lives besides food, including relationships, social activities, or pleasure. Anorexia can cause severe medical problems and even lead to death.

Some of the symptoms a person suffering anorexia may exhibit are any combination of these warnings signs. Awareness of these warning signs is the first step in helping someone suffering from anorexia and could end up saving someone's life.

Some of the tendencies people suffering from eating disorders may have:-

• thin and keeps getting thinner and loses about 15% or more of her/his ideal body weight,
• continues to diet or restrict foods even though she/he is not overweight,
• feels fat even when she is thin or underweight,
• is preoccupied with food obsessively,
• feeling bloated or nauseated even when she/he eats normal or less than normal amounts of food,
• tendency to exercise obsessively,
• may weigh herself/himself with abnormal frequency,
• may have low self - esteem,
• may have feelings of helplessness and a fear of becoming fat,
• People with bulimia nervosa often have difficulties dealing with stress and anxiety and may binge and purge to try to cope with these feelings.
• The person skips meals, takes only tiny portions will not eat in front of other people, eats in ritualistic ways mixes strange food combinations.
• May chew mouthfuls of food but spits them out before swallowing
• Always has an excuse not to eat - is not hungry, just ate with a friend, is feeling ill, is upset and so forth and will eat only a few "safe" foods
• Becomes a "vegetarian" but will not eat the necessary fats, oils, whole grains, and the denser fruits and veggies needed (such as sweet potatoes and avocadoes)
• Drastically reduces or completely eliminates their fat intake, reads food labels religiously or, in contrast to the above, the person gorges, usually in secrete, emptying cupboards and refrigerator.
• May also buy special binge food.
• Uses laxatives, diet pills, water pills, or "natural" products from health food stores to promote weight loss.
• Has frantic fears of weight gain and obesity,
• Spends a lot of time inspecting self in the mirror and usually finds something to criticize, Insists they cannot feel good about self unless they are thin, In spite of average or above-average intelligence,
• They lose the ability to think logically, evaluate reality objectively, and admit and correct undesirable consequences of choices and actions,
• Has trouble concentrating,
• Obsesses about food and weight,
• Envies thin people and seeks to emulate
• Frequently experiences depression, anxiety, guilt loneliness, and at times over whelming emptiness, meaninglessness, hopelessness and despair.

A lot of us sit in denial and make faces or even walk out, as if not wanting to associate with this topic and act like it is a horrible thing. Yes it is unfortunate that it is happening and is definitely not what anyone would like to suffer from. However, we need to get over ourselves and accept that it is real and is now prevalent in men as well. The modeling industry was once on the top of the charts for anorexic cases, but now, Hollywood and the rest of the real world has taken over!

The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. And we must keep it holy, nourish it and feed it.

With the endless pressure to look like a pin, women have increasingly erratic eating habits. Anorexia Nervosa, bulimia, you name it millions of women have it. The best thing we can do for each other is to be there for each other, talk about it and even direct ‘them' to seek professional help. Both you and I cannot force anyone to get help unless they are a danger to themselves), but we can invite them to be honest and open up so that we can help them renew a strong sense of faith and hope and desire to follow their calling.

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